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Truth: my biggest fear about becoming a parent (gah!) is that I will lose the feeling that time can stand still. Andy and I have been together/dating/married for almost 9 years. In that time, we've had milestones like graduating from college, getting married, and buying a house. But for some reason none of those things have jolted me into feeling like I'm really getting any older, and that time is really going by. Life as I've known it has pretty much continued on the same way for almost 10 years. I feel like once I have a little one who I'm watching grow and turn from a baby to a toddler to an adolescent... oh my word, I can't "stop time" anymore! It's going to wiz by! And what does that make ME? An adult?! No! I am most certainly not an adult - I don't know enough to be an adult!
Truth: my 11-year-old niece, who I still remember as a 2-year-old with little pigtails and squealy giggles just facebooked me to let me know she was excited about our upcoming time together. She's growing up. Oh Lord, she's growing up. She's typing sentences, spelling things correctly, using a computer. Fine, call me a dinosaur who's entire head is in the sand, but WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?! She was just a little kindergartner in a bear costume spinning around on stage at her dance recital. Now she's growing up into this beautiful little lady with pierced ears, highlighted hair, and grown-up opinions. My heart can't take it!
I suppose we all get jolted back to reality occasionally, but this is the first time it's REALLY hitting me.
Oh thank God that I'm not the only one quivering in fear of our upcoming 10 year reunion and wondering what I've done with my life that would make me feel proud when the inevitable "What have you been up to?" comes up. I don't feel anywhere near like a grownup. I'm only just getting married this year! What the heck happened??
ReplyDeleteKristi, oh my gosh I know, I can totally relate. Not sure if I have the stomach to attend our 10 (?!) year reunion! I'm trying to remind myself that "accomplishments" aren't the only things that give value to our lives. I'm sure a lot of people we graduated with have the same fears about that question :)
DeleteI think the problem is that our world has changed. What our parents were doing at our age is just not what the average person is doing at the exact same age. So we compare ourselves to our parents at our age and feel so young! But we have to remember that most of our parents didn't both (husband and wife) go on to post-secondary education. They went straight into working and raising families. We went to college/university and have huge loans to pay back. They didn't have that debt.
ReplyDeleteSo I think we will feel younger, much younger, and less adult because we compare ourselves to a generation that looks SO different than this one.
But maybe everyone feels this way? Grade 8's looked SOOO big compared to us when we were in 4th grade...maybe our view of being an adult has the same disillusionment?
My husband is 31, turning 32 this year...and wonders when he'll feel like a REAL adult. He wonders if kids would make him feel like it. I'm really not sure...
I definitely agree that our world has changed. I'm not sure when I'll actually FEEL like an adult either. So far it hasn't happened yet! I feel like I could easily slip right back into a college dorm for a weekend and think nothing of it!
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