Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Permission to Be Myself


"Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else."
–Judy Garland

I think one of the obstacles in going through a challenging time is acknowledging how deeply our personalities, strengths, and weaknesses play into how we process the situation. I have spent a little too much time beating myself up that I'm not a different version of 'tough', or that I don't have someone else's ability to gloss over something like it never happened.

The truth is, I feel deeply and I want to take things that are broken and make them new. I want to get an "A" in everything I do, so being ok with being in a "C" sort of place for a season is really tough for me. It can make me feel like a failure.

But then I remind myself that graded tests and papers and projects are not how life works at 30. I can't possibly ace everything, and if I'm really honest, failing miserably (my mental spin on the situation) is a chance for me to be humbled and more in touch with the truth of life and the people who are living it. 

I just keep praying that the fruit of this season is sweet kick butt amazing. I've already experienced so much compassion and grace from those in my close circle or supporters, so I have no reason to doubt that the God of all healing is working it all together for good. I just have to keep looking for it.


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Sunday, February 7, 2016

Soul of a Warrior


"Whatever you are physically... male or female, strong or weak, ill or healthy--all those matter less than what your heart contains. If you have the soul of a warrior, you are a warrior. All those other things, they are the glass that contains the lamp, but you are the light inside."

– Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel
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Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Truth and Originality


"Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it."

– C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity


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Monday, February 1, 2016

Challenger


I took my camera out today and as I flung it half-heartedly around my shoulder and stepped outside I realized that my lens is my "challenger". It's one of the ways I force myself to look at the world around me with a little more care and find a moment that I have to search harder for.

I looked back several weeks in my journal last night and realized that I have come such a long way in my healing process. It doesn't always feel like it in the day-to-day, but I can really see the growth if I flip several pages back. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm also not where I was, and there is so much hope and gratitude in that.

"Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

– Isaiah 41:10



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Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Phosphorescence


"PHOSPHORESCENCE. Now there's a word to lift your hat to... to find that phosphorescence, that light within, that's the genius behind poetry."

– Emily Dickinson


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Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Trust In the Woods


There is something majestic about coming face to face with a creature that walks the same paths I do on a daily basis. Sometimes I'm alone (or so I think) and other times I'm greeted with a stoic stare before a white fluffy tail leaps sky high into the thicket.

The more we encounter each other, the more the scent of familiarity takes over and the longer the peaceful moment lingers.

I'm realizing this journey I'm on to healing is so much about trust. I'm learning to trust the professionals who I'm just getting to know, I'm learning to trust myself, and I'm learning to trust God's promises even when I'm skittish and jumpy and think I have little reason to.

Trust doesn't always go smoothly, but sometimes a quick meeting on the same path and a calm glance in the right direction sets the stage for greater things to come.


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Friday, January 15, 2016

The Same Power


This morning held one of my biggest victories yet in my battle with my emotional and physical wellbeing. I have prayed so fervently for sleep, and when I woke my clock said 7am. It was like it's own small miracle on my road to healing.

I bundled up for a walk and brought my camera along, knowing that I might catch a glimpse of the sunrise. As I rounded the bend I saw this glorious chilly glow, and the song playing through my headphones switched:

The same power that rose Jesus from the grave
The same power that commands the dead to wake
Lives in us, lives in us
The same power that moves mountains when He speaks
The same power that can calm a raging sea
Lives in us, lives in us
He lives in us, lives in us

–Same Power, Jeremy Camp and Jason Ingram


How remarkable to be reminded (and so very artfully) that we have such a strong power living inside us that gives us the opportunity for victory.


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